


One More Time, One More Chance

by daeguboi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, Depression, M/M, exo members are so talented im fucking crying, i blame chanyeol's soundcloud cover of the song, i miss minseok too so, im sorry, it's not that heavy i swear, this is the result, which is amazing btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 09:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18753976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daeguboi/pseuds/daeguboi
Summary: it’s the end of the song and baekhyun feels sleep taking over him. the rain truly blends in so well with chanyeol’s voice and he wishes that one day, when he’s better and more sure of himself, he can find his way back to chanyeol and the other will still accept him.it’s the end of the song and chanyeol can tell baekhyun’s about to sleep. the rain still patters outside and he wishes that one day, the rain won’t affect baekhyun’s entire mood so much and that he can find his way back to him because he will fully love him back once more.





	One More Time, One More Chance

**Author's Note:**

> ive been sad lately and ive been listening nonstop to chanyeol’s cover of the song so 😌✊🏻

“let’s break up.”

the tall man freezes from where he’s cooking, turning around to face the small boy seated behind the kitchen island. 

his boyfriend looks so lifeless. his once rosy cheeks devoid of color, his once squishy cheeks all sunken and hollow, his eyes that used to hold the galaxy now spiritless and so, so tired.

baekhyun isn’t looking at him, instead his gaze is transfixed on the cold glass of water, condensation making droplets of water run all around the glass.

the huge fog hoodie he’s wearing makes him look smaller, specially with how much he has lost weight.

chanyeol drops the big wooden spoon in his hand on a plate beside the stove, lowering the fire to let the mushroom soup simmer.

he kneels in front of baekhyun, making him sit sideways to face him. he takes the other’s long, slender - almost bony fingers in both of his hands. they’re painfully cold, and it only serves chanyeol to want to warm them up even more. baekhyun looks at him solemnly and watches as chanyeol kisses the knuckles of the back of each hand, before he leads one hand to cup his cheek, the other held tightly in his own hand.

“you know i love you, right?” he softly says, eyes boring into baekhyun’s, hoping he could convey all the love he felt for the smaller with those words and in that look.

baekhyun’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest as he stares back at chanyeol. his eyes start to water but he holds himself back from crying. no, he needs to be strong even if just this once. for chanyeol.

chanyeol, sweet, precious chanyeol who despite all of baekhyun’s flaws and shortcomings as a person, still cherished him. cared for him. loved him.

“i do. and you also know that i love you,” he whispers, stroking the taller’s cheekbone making chanyeol lean into his palm.

“i know.”

there’s an unspoken question after that sentence. at this point in their relationship, they have already picked up what the other wants to say but leaves unsaid.

_so why?_

baekhyun kisses chanyeol’s forehead, palm still cupping chanyeol’s cheek, the other’s hand on top of his, while his other hand rests on his leg, chanyeol’s much bigger hand engulfing it tightly.

the lips that press to his forehead are chapped, but still manage to feel pillowy soft against his skin. chanyeol’s eyes close and he knows what’s about to happen and he’s seen it coming before if he’s being honest, but he can’t find himself to accept it. 

if only time could be frozen, he would gladly stay in this moment. baekhyun’s lips against his skin, his hands holding his world and the love of his life.

but time waits for no one. soon enough, baekhyun leans back and chanyeol opens his eyes to the sight of baekhyun’s somber smile. 

he’s the most beautiful person chanyeol has ever met.

“it’s unfair to you, chan. i don’t know if i’ll ever get better or if my state of mind worsens. you deserve to be with someone better. someone not like-“ his voice cracks, and along with it, chanyeol’s heart. baekhyun sighs before continuing. “- me. someone not damaged,” he whispers.

and chanyeol has heard this statement hundreds of times. baekhyun has always been struggling with depression, even before they met. the smaller has always doubted himself, loathed himself, confused himself how to handle his emotions and better. throughout their relationship, the smaller had had countless bad days and chanyeol just wished to be a good support for the other. 

again, chanyeol has heard this statement hundreds of times. he also has reassured the other hundreds of times. and today will be no different.

“i love you,” he repeats, hand turning to cup the other’s cheek instead. “no matter what you say, you are not damaged. you’re seriously the most beautiful human being i have ever met and will ever meet. and no, this isn’t me romanticizing your illness and our situation. this is me genuinely telling you that my feelings are genuine and that i don’t and have never seen you as someone damaged. you mean the world to me.”

rain starts to patter outside, and baekhyun feels his mood dampen even more at the gloomy weather. some days, he loves the rain. some days though, like today, he despises it and wishes it were bright outside so that he’ll feel better somehow, that his mood will lighten up. he looks at the beautiful man kneeling in front of him, wondering if his knees don’t hurt from how long he’s been in that position. 

maybe, if he were just normal, chanyeol would be laughing and smiling more instead of having to hold him every damn time he breaks down or feels too overwhelmed.

_and that’s why_

_why he needs to let the other go_

“i know that. you also mean the world to me,” he whispers, raking his hand through the taller’s brown locks. “but you’re not a rehabilitation center.”

chanyeol feels his heart drop. there it is. the truth bomb. the truth that in order for their relationship to work, baekhyun needs to help his self without his help. in order for him to grow, needs to stop relying on chanyeol. needs to grow at his own pace.

chanyeol had been trying to hold back the tears ever since baekhyun asked for them to break up but now that the truth has been dropped, now that what happens will be inevitable makes his head hang low and his teardrops to fall.

baekhyun gets off the chair and kneels down, hugging chanyeol’s bigger frame and holding his face to his neck as the man sobs. every sob out of chanyeol’s mouth is like an arrow shot to baekhyun’s heart. 

the truth is that he doesn’t want to break up with chanyeol. wants the other to comfort him on his bad days and hold him tight, whispering words of love and comfort. telling him he’s enough and it’s not his fault. but he can’t keep being selfish. the man deserves to be with someone normal, not someone fucked up like him.

his eyes sting and tears threaten to fall but he holds himself back. he promised to be strong even just this once and he sure as hell will make sure he doesn’t falter. 

kissing chanyeol’s nape, he whispers to the other. “hold me one last time until i fall asleep?”

he feels the other nod into his neck, chanyeol leans back and wipes his tears with his hands. his eyes are red and puffy, cheeks smeared with tear tracks. he’s honestly the most beautiful human being baekhyun has ever met.

and for someone who hates the universe and wishes to just not exist anymore, he is thankful for having met chanyeol. the only good thing that happened in his life.

“let me just turn off the stove,” the taller says, voice raspy from having cried his heart out. he stands up from his position on the floor, bringing baekhyun up with him. he presses a chaste kiss to baekhyun’s lips before he turns the stove off and covers the soup pot with a lid.

 

they walk towards the bedroom, hands clasped together tightly, both owners knowing time is limited and everything will soon collapse. 

baekhyun goes to lie down first, getting under the blankets and chanyeol follows suit. 

chanyeol immediately reaches for his body, burying baekhyun’s head to his chest and pressing kisses to the top of it.

the rain from outside is all that can be heard, it seems to have gotten stronger and even though chanyeol knows that baekhyun hates the rain on days like this, he knows that at the moment, the other finds solace at the noise it brings them.

chanyeol holds him tighter and baekhyun buries his head and presses his body against him further.

they bask in both the silence and the noise the rain provides them. chanyeol honestly thought the smaller has fallen asleep until he hears a sniffle.

“i love you so much, chanyeol,” baekhyun says into chanyeol’s clothed chest. his heart feels like it’s being shattered into pieces and he finally lets the tears fall, wetting the man’s sweater.

he feels the other scratch his scalp and a kiss pressed on top of his head. “i love you, too. so fucking much.”

baekhyun leans back to look at chanyeol’s face, the other once more letting out tears. oh, how much baekhyun hates himself for hurting the man.

“i wish i was normal, y’know? i wish i wasn’t such a fucking mess, wish i didn’t feel emotions this much, wish i wasn’t so fucked up,” he says in between hiccups. “i wish i was better so that i could be worthy of you.”

“and you are, you know you are.”

“no, no, i’m not,” baekhyun says, eyes pleading chanyeol not to counter him so he’ll be able to accept this break up better. and as much as chanyeol wants to tell him he’s the one not deserving of baekhyun, he renders the other’s wishes, opting to kissing him softly on the lips.

they kiss with all they’ve got, knowing they’re going to miss each other’s lips and that nothing will ever compare to the feeling. when they pull away, baekhyun buries his head into chanyeol’s chest once more, and the other gladly receives him.

“yeol?”

“hm?”

“sing me one last song, please?”

“alright. which one?”

“5 centimeters per second’s theme song.”

a chuckle leaves chanyeol’s mouth which soon turns into a sob when the memories surrounding that song dawns on him. he remembers how he chose it as their movie on their first date, with baekhyun lying down on top of him while he lies down on the sofa. by the end of the movie, they were both crying messes and that crying turned into making out into their first sex as a couple. the next day, chanyeol had been humming the ending song absentmindedly and baekhyun screeched, saying he should definitely do a cover. and chanyeol did, he learned the chords of the song, learned the lyrics which were in nihonggo and posted it on his soundcloud, which received so much praise and good feedback.

chanyeol wills himself to stop crying. to give baekhyun his last wish and leave him with the song - their song.

 

_“kore ijyou nani wo ushinaeba kokoro wa yurusareru no_

_dore hodo no itaminaraba mou ichido kimi ni aeru_

_One more time kisetsuyo utsurowanaide_

_One more time fuzakeatta jikan yo”_  

_[If I lose any more than this, will my heart be forgiven_

_How much pain before I can see you again_

_One more time, please don't change the season_

_One more time to the time when we fool around]_

 

chanyeol holds baekhyun tighter as he sings, wishing that baekhyun will find long lasting happiness someday.

 

_“...itsudemo sagashiteshimau dokka ni kimi no egao wo_

_kyuukou machi no fumikiri atari_

_konna toko ni iru hazu mo nai noni_

_inochi ga kurikaesu naraba nandomo kimi no moto e_

_hoshii mono nado mou nani mo nai_

_kimi no hoka ni taisetsu na mono nado”_

  _[I always end up looking somewhere for your smile_

_At the railway crossing of the fast pace town_

_Even though I know you won't be here_

_If life can be repeated, I'll go to you many times over_

_There's nothing else that I want_

_Nothing else is more important than you]_

 

it’s the end of the song and baekhyun feels sleep taking over him. the rain truly blends in so well with chanyeol’s voice and he wishes that one day, when he’s better and more sure of himself, he can find his way back to chanyeol and the other will still accept him.

 

it’s the end of the song and chanyeol can tell baekhyun’s about to sleep. the rain still patters outside and he wishes that one day, the rain won’t affect baekhyun’s entire mood so much and that he can find his way back to him because he will fully love him back once more.

 

* * *

 

when baekhyun wakes up, the rain has stopped and the sun is shining brightly outside. he takes in the appearance of his room, and stares at the ceiling for a few minutes. he then sits up alone in his bed and goes to ready himself for the day.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry i haven’t updated bloom or the stay with me series, but i promise ive been working on the xiuchen fic and i badly want to finish it asap bc i mISS MINSEOK ALREADY :-(
> 
> so pls wait for me ;u;;


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